24 things in 24 years I wish I would have done differently

So there is some stuff I want to share, some things I would have done differently had I known.

Trust me when I say, I have seen myself in many futures that involve love. And then I kind of couldn’t. And I got closed off and I think, ultimately, it was a defense mechanism. However, I wish I would have talked more positively about it. Maybe that wouldn’t make it so hard for me now. Talk about it, feel it, live it. It’s beautiful, it can hurt, but I wouldn’t want to miss it anymore.

And I don’t mean going on adventures, traveling the world or being at parties. Where that is important, it is not what I was missing in life. I forgot to pay attention. I missed out on actually experiencing the thing I was at, because I was too in my head. I was thinking too much or too little, and later, I barely remembered anything. Start living. Actually be there, be present.

This is a hard pill for me to swallow because I think too much about anything. What people think of me, how I acted at an event 15 days ago, how much I weigh, what I ate all day, if my friends hate me. And none of it mattered, it was all me and my insecurities. I know sometimes not thinking can get you in difficult situations, but honestly, I wish that would have been the case.

I hate making decisions, I hate to pick out things, I hate the thought of other people judging me for my choice, even now. Maybe it’s something that was installed in me way back, but I should have trusted myself and my gut instinct more. If anything, it’s what can keep you alive. So listen, and choose.

I know, I know, this is a typical „I told you so“-situation. I am aware I should have started studying earlier. I‘m sure actually writing a plan, or a to-do-list, would make a lot of things easier. Putting my laundry away immediately will make me feel more organized. I still have not mastered this, but maybe in the next twenty years.

That one is pretty obvious and also a little bit twentyfirst century. But I am easily influenceable and I wish I would have done it differently, earlier. Because life becomes so much more and so much bigger if you start to look at the small things and see the beauty in them.

I am going to act like I am actually doing that and not just watching TikTok’s about it for a second. I guess it still counts while writing this because I wish I was that person. I don’t actually know if it will make me a better one, maybe I'll never find out because I actually won’t start doing this differently. However, I truly hope so.

This is a random one and it just came to me. I take the bus a lot. But only recently did I start to not listen to music during the rides. My headphones are broken so this is involuntary, but it leaves me with a lot of time to think about stuff. Nothing overwhelming, not like the thoughts keeping you up before bed. Just conversations you pick up along the way, really. It can be funny, or disturbing, or very inspiring.

I thought I was unhappy. That‘s it. I created a persona where I could finally see myself and feel comfortable. Which is horrible. But I thought not happy was who I was supposed to be. Of course, act like you are happy so no one actually worries about you. But I never took the time to look within myself to figure out what I want to be. I can assure you now, not happy is just not an option anymore.

Very simple, very hard to do. Why? I don’t know. There is so much happening to your body over the years. You should move it, and thank it for doing that. Take your vitamins, get some sleep, don’t drink too much alcohol, go for a walk in fresh air. There’s only so much time to do so, don’t regret it later.

Related to the one just before this. Physical health is one thing, mental health… completely different. There’s even more things to think about. Your mind is a strong place. Your brain needs breaks too. Don’t find excuses to cancel plans for me-time. It is important, everyone will understand. If they don’t, why do you care? Never ever will I neglect self-care again.

It won’t come. Place the sticker, light the candle, use the bathbomb. Do it now, a better time or place may never come, so what are you actually waiting for?

Something a lot of people struggle with especially during a time where we want to be adults and be independent. Asking for help is not even easy, it can be so hard depending on the task. But it will make everything a lot easier, it’ll help keep the weight off your shoulders and see other tasks more clearly. I still don’t do this as often as I would like to, but I have never regretted it in the end.

When we are young, we want to be older. When we are older, we want to have our life figured out, or be young again. All I can say is everything figured itself out somehow. Not always in the way we intended, but we cannot change it anyway. But stop growing so fast, enjoy your thirties, twenties, teens, what’s the rush?

Collect things that are of value, for you or even money wise. I would keep everything because I was afraid of what would happen if I got rid of the birthday cards I got way back. Or pillows that were rotting in a box. Tidy space, tidy mind. That is honestly true and after moving two times I realized keeping what's most important to you gives it so much more space and time to appreciate. I read somewhere that nostalgia is a waste of time, that sounds hard but… yeah. Let it go.

I hate change, always have, sometimes still do. But recently I have found the power that change holds. This might sound cliché but it’s amazing to look back and see how much you have changed. Maybe you were hopeless and yet so much happened in the past. Moving is horrible, a new job is terrifying and finding new hobbies is exhausting. But look where it took you, don’t you want to keep going?

And I don’t necessarily mean people, or places. I also mean opinions. Don’t settle on things you might have had thoughts on years ago. You get different input, hang out with different people. Everything is allowed to change. Maybe you like red hair now, or your interest in people has changed. Get up in the morning and change who you are, just like that, it’s okay.

I am saying this because I mean it just like that. Breathe, breathe deeply. Right now. Take a deep breath and you will realize you don’t do it that often. It can be quite freeing and I wish I would have done it more often during the day.

Of course, you’ll never be perfect. There is always someone better than you. That’s inspiring though. It shouldn’t hold you back from finishing a project. Draw, paint, write, sing, act. Who made the rule that you have to be perfect to do it. You can finish it even though you think you can’t because it won’t turn out the way you expected.

Whether it’s an achievement or literally just the beginning of autumn. Bake yourself a cake, blow out a candle (you don’t need a birthday for that), and appreciate the small stuff around you. You could celebrate everything if you wanted to. Maybe it counts into the romanticising category, but I think we should all do it more. Being grateful never hurt anyone. I will definitely try and integrate this into my life more.

It’ll make your week a lot more exciting to schedule things on a wednesday evening. Sometimes it’s hard because work is tiring, but most of the time you won’t regret staying up an hour later because you went for dinner with some friends on a monday, or had a movie night with your boyfriend on a tuesday. I should take my own advice, but sleeping after work can be great too, I admit.

Take lessons! I wish I could play the piano and guitar a little. I wish I would have listened to a chef teach me how to cook my food properly, not give up on my tennis lessons when I was younger. Draw a little more each day and see myself get better. Just being open to start so many new things. Now I am kind of stuck and don’t know how to start or where to start. I want to knit a blanket so bad, so why don’t I?

I put it through a lot of misery, worked out in a way my body didn’t need, ate what I shouldn’t, put hormones in it that really weren’t necessary. And I just recently started to listen to my body more, give it time, do the right workouts, take my time with everything. It tells you so much if you know how to listen.

Pretty much everything but really... nothing. I mean, I still have so much time to change and do things differently and wrong and right. I am young but this society makes me feel really old. Onto the next 24 years, let's see how long this list might get.