22 things I learned in my 22 years of living until 2022

I started writing these in my notes app a while back. I know absolutely nothing, if anything, I know less. But sometimes you learn a few new things. You meet people who give great advice. You see a video that taught you a lesson. I like to write all of my thoughts down, because I tend to forget most things again, My notes are a scary place to be and protected with a password even. I would like to share some of them now. Happy 2022. 

Sometimes they might feel like they do. On some days you tend to compare the number on a scale with the one from the day before. Others, you might find yourself looking at different peoples' grades while noticing yours are not as good and equal being a failure. Followers on the internet seem like an easy way to count your worth on a sad Monday morning. But you are not a number. Your grades don't define your intelligence or stop you from getting a degree and that dream job. Your weight doesn't show your beauty, your smile and kindness do. And the only followers that matter are the people who know and care about you. It's a hard lesson to learn, but once you mastered it, you will feel better.

There will be 21-year-olds driving around in a Porsche. Others have two children at the same age. Even other people are married. Someone else will start their degree, the person sitting next to them on a train might have dropped out at 26. If you live your life according to others' progress, there is no way for you to grow into yourself. You just become hundreds of different people. And instead of finding your own way, you get lost. Enjoy your life, figure out what you want, take risks, take the safe route, whatever you find best for you. You are not late; you are on a different journey than them. 

Sometimes I like to hold on to things because that's what I thought was right 5 years ago. I don't want to give in during an argument even though I know the other person is right. It's okay to change your mind, your opinions won't always stay the same. Things you believed years ago might not matter anymore, and things that matter now might give you a different outlook on life than when you were 12. It's called growth, emotional and mental growth. You are not weak for wanting different things, believing in different things. Don't be scared to voice them just because you lived your last years preaching the complete opposite. 

You will confuse support and care with a healthy relationship because you were shown that that is what it is. Giving you money, supporting your life choices, caring for your health does not make up for shitty things that were being said and done to you. Whether that is a platonic relationship, a romantic relationship, a relationship between parents and a child. You are allowed to love them, you are allowed to care for them too, you are allowed to support them. But don't forget to hold them accountable, for calling them out when they did you wrong. They probably love you, but that doesn't mean they have the right to hurt you sometimes. Same goes for you. Make sure you give what you want to receive.

You are not broken. You are not closed off. You are not a burden. You are simply not okay sometimes. And when everyone tells you to talk about it with someone else, it's alright if you can't. Your health problems are still there and valid. Yes, you still have them and yes, they are just as bad as someone else’s who is able to express them. You are still allowed to heal. If you never talk about something, it's hard to suddenly open up. Find a support system. If that's not your best friend of 20 years but a stranger you met at a bar 2 months ago, so be it. If you don't want to talk, you don't have to. But it will get better. One day you will find someone you can easily talk to. 

If anything, it goes hand in hand. There is a place for everyone. And I mean a physical place. A city, a town, a village, a house, an apartment, a shed. Whether that is New York City, or the sea, or a house by a lake. You need to start looking for your place. And once you find it, you will feel it. I strongly believe there is a place for you where you can be the best version of yourself. Where you wake up in the morning and no matter what you can hear, smell, see, it will feel like you are home after a very long journey. But don't stress, don't feel pressured, you don't need to find it now, just one day. Who says the journey of finding it, isn't as exciting as settling down? 

And there is nothing wrong with that. It is a bit controversial, and you will always find people who will argue against it. I do believe, money alone doesn't buy happiness. It can't buy you genuine friendship, or love, or mental health. But it is an old mindset that I just simply do not support anymore. And there is nothing wrong if you want money over love, or if you crave love over money. There is nothing wrong with any mindset you believe in. Don't make people feel bad for wanting financial stability. Don't make them feel bad for preferring to live in a more expensive place and if you don't want that, that's cool too. It might be Gen Z thinking, but I'd rather be sad in a mansion than in a one-bedroom apartment. And who is to tell me how happy buying hundreds of concert tickets can actually make me? It might not be what makes you happy, but I am. Just let everyone live the way they want to. 

Or about anything really! What you said a few weeks ago that doesn't leave your head because you found it cringey 10 minutes later, doesn't matter in the here and now. Let it go, no one probably remembers it anyway. The hobbies you have, the artists you love and support, the books you read behind closed doors; those are things you are supposed to enjoy, not feel ashamed of. And I know some people bullied you for liking something, some people didn't understand your love for someone, but we all got older, and chances are these people like the same things now. I read once: If you eat chocolate cake and someone says 'I think it tastes nasty' will you suddenly stop liking it, just because someone else said it?

Something everyone has heard before but is one of the hardest things to establish in your life. Honestly, who has mastered this? I still don't know what it really means. Do you just say 'no'? How do you tell people where you draw a line? Is it something that comes with age? Does it mean that you stop showing up for people who never do for you? That you stop finding excuses why you can't go out, but stick with the truth, which is usually 'I don't want to go, because I just can't today'?! Because I know that you want to be there for people, and support them and overlook how bad stuff makes you feel sometimes, but it won't help you grow and find out what you're worth? So many questions and yet no solution is sight, but hey, establish boundaries, at least start, okay?

You should never be or feel lonely, but you should be alone. Move out from home, one street down or a whole country away. And if you think you don't need to, you are kind of wrong. No matter how happy or safe it makes you feel. You can't become your true self when you continue to walk around in the space that raised you into a very specific version. There is so much you can learn when you're alone. Your own company is so important because you're always alone in your head, no one lives there with you. And you are going to find out so much about yourself when you buy groceries for just yourself, when you schedule the day around just you alone and not someone else. You have to know how to keep your own company before living with someone else. And take your time, you're not in a rush. 

Blood may be thicker than water, but why does that matter when you can talk to your friends more intimately than your siblings? You don't need to keep showing up for a family member and reach out your hand if they left you. You don't owe them anything just because they have your features. They treated you that way for a reason, so cut them off. It sounds harsh and problematic and is very difficult but see it as an investment for your future. I'd rather sit at a Christmas dinner table with the people that I love than with people who are only there to freeload on food.

And most definitely not the main character. It is not your job to save everyone, to help everyone. Try your best to be there, so other people know they can reach out if they want to, but don't put their life before yours. You are not the friendly neighborhood Spiderman. But it is as important to remind yourself that you're only the main character in your own story. Don't expect the people around you to be their own side character, so you can be the center of attention. They have thoughts, feelings, and experiences they are putting before you too. Keep an eye out for those you reach out a helping hand when you need one, but don't live their life.

How absolutely true this is. And most of the time there won't be a reason. You just don't vibe together. Don't chase love, don't chase a connection that will never be there. You don't need to live up to their needs and expectations. Don't be sad if it is the case. It doesn't mean you're unlovable, just unreachable for said person. Somebody will love you and connect with you and vibe with you. Don't waste your time trying to make everyone love you, they won't. 

You do a great deed, because you wanted to, not because you expect anything in return. You help your friends, because you love them, not because you will probably need a favor in the future. And if somebody cuts you out of their life, they don't owe you an explanation. It most definitely would be nice, but don't be mad at them. Do not hold grudges. The hardest thing for me to learn was that you can't expect closure for somebody's action, purely because they don't owe you anything even though it feels like that most times. That doesn't make them a good or bad person, just a human being. Same goes for you of course, don't feel bad for putting yourself first. You are not responsible for their life, but always be nice about it. 

Do everything you can do NOW. Yes, in the future you might have more money left after you splurge on vacation, but it won't be the same feeling because you get older. Enjoy it now, later might never come. But don't be reckless with it either. Don't be the person that waits for the right time, because what matters is the right person and the right place and the good time you have together. Money and a career are important, and very cool, but when you don't know yet if you're going to achieve it very soon, don't miss out on the time in between. Live. 

If you think, you're good at something, try it out, study it, get better at it, or be average at it. What matters is what you think, you don't need to be an expert to keep doing something. If you want to start dancing ballet at 25, who is stopping you? You don't need to be professional, to call yourself a dancer. You might not sell your art for millions of dollars, but Van Gogh didn't either. He was still an excellent painter though. But for what it's worth you might find a new passion that can lead you elsewhere. Don't sleep on your curiosity. 

Whatever you like to do in your free time, you may not want to do in your work life for the rest of your life. If you made that realization after working towards it and achieving your goals, it's fine. You are not even old yet. There is no point in pursuing a career that will ruin your happy place for you. Choose a different career that keeps you excited enough but gives you free time to do your favorite activity. But also remember that even your hobby won't be fun always, there will be bad days and days you don't want to work even though you love what you do. Also: if you chose a safe career over pursuing a job in your favorite field, that's fine too. You make this decision for yourself. Whatever and whenever you realize, it's not too late to change. 

It is not a bad place or unhealthy space for you to be in. It depends how you perceive it. Do you go on there to compare yourself, or to find inspiration? Do you post a picture for validation, or because you like what you saw in it? Do not scream and shout at something that is not responsible for your bad and unhealthy thoughts. As Tony Stark once said: With great power comes great responsibility. Social Media has a lot of power, so handle it responsibly. 

To find your comfort zone, you obviously must leave it. But don't view it as such. Expand it, go on a search where you feel most comfortable, yet somewhere that won't hold you back and settle right there. Leaving your comfort zone also sounds very scary. It immediately holds you back from trying to expand it at all. What's most important is, that you find it. You will have to do some scary things, things that you didn't like before, try something new occasionally. You will end up somewhere that pushes you but doesn't pressure you. That helps you grow and doesn't hold you back.

Write it down so you don't forget. There is a difference between opinions and morals. You can like certain food or not, you can dislike someone's clothes or the way they drive a car. But you cannot like or dislike someone's sexuality. Being racist is not a question where you expect an opinion from someone, it shouldn't exist and is wrong, period. And it is useless to fight with someone over these things, simply don't put up with people who mistake morals for opinions. But always stand up for the people who experience a situation where someone does switch these two things. Lastly, don't forget that you should also never share an opinion if the other person didn't ask for it, always know when it is appropriate. 

This is the most adult advice ever and shows you have become old, but not the easiest thing for anyone to do. It certainly isn't for me. But you could achieve the best things if you connect with the right people. Something everyone should work towards in their life. It is hard to expand your shell and express yourself to others, but if they share your interests, they will most likely help you grow. And how great does it sound to talk to someone who is just like you?

An empty train station, a bouquet of flowers, your friends laughing, the Eiffel Tower, just like everyone else, photograph the thousandth sunset. Remember to buy a camera and print the pictures too. Make a scrapbook. Everything is aesthetic if it made you feel something. And I have not ever known a single person who regretted taking one photograph more than the person next to them. You can live in the moment AND capture it with your camera, don't worry, because sometimes it's hard to remember stuff if you didn't make a physical copy of that moment. Do it. Trust me.